09.26.2003
This economy is killing Snigglezone. I guess consumers just can’t afford to buy worthless apparel and gear from a website that people only visit because they’re trying to find out how many times they can reuse their dryer sheets. They haven’t been able to send me anywhere lately, so I’ve been stuck in California taking odd jobs for old ladies. This whole recall deal really amazes me. Californians don’t realize how stupid they are. They initiate a recall on a governor they re-elected three months prior, and attract candidates from actors, porn stars, and adult magazine tycoons. I am embarrassed to even be living in a state that accepts this as a legitimate political process. These people cite excessive spending and poor budgeting as one of the reasons for the recall. Do they realize how much this whole recall costs?
If you weren’t sure, here’s how the process works. Voters first vote for or against the recall. Regardless of how they vote on that, they still can vote for a candidate if the recall passes. Because of the numbers of candidates, a person can win with just 15% of the vote. That’s pretty reassuring, isn’t it. And if you think this doesn’t affect you if you live in a different state, you’re wrong. California is one of the largest states with a major portion of Gross Domestic Product. Also, California often leads the way on trends throughout the country.
All of these candidates are fighting for the governor’s chair, spending millions dollars of their own money. This could all be wasted if Californians get their heads out of their asses and vote against the recall. As I said before, the votes for each candidate might not even be counted if the recall fails. And if the recall doesn’t go through, I had to listen to Arnold hack his way through English on those commercials for no good reason.
~Phillard G. Krebs
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08.21.2003
I got the chance to fly first class during my last trip. Its not because SniggleZone paid for it, but I was upgraded at check-in. Hell, SniggleZone doesn’t even pay for the tickets, not to speak of the hotels, meals or even cab fare. They don’t even give me vacation time. They say I don’t need a vacation because they’re always sending me away on assignment, "It’s just like a vacation," Sheal said to me once. He’s pretty much right; I pay for everything and wonder if they’ll miss me if I don’t come back to work.
Anyhow, getting back to flying first class, AKA Business Class. During check-in, the ticket lady informs me that as a courtesy she is upgrading my seating to first class. I then receive a disclaimer about how it is a courtesy, it is not an expectation, others may not do the same, and do not expect this in the future. Now I begin to wonder how much of a "courtesy" it is, as much as a necessity. I’m betting the parents with 12 kids checking in next to me need to be seated together and the only place to out me is First Class. Despite their reasons, I accept her disclaimer and proceed to the terminal. At this point I’m walking a little taller, a little prouder; I’m First Class. I look down at my watch and realize its only 10 minutes until boarding. I better hurry, don’t want to miss the perk of boarding first. Luckily, I make it in time. As I’m walking down the ramp I become a bit nervous. Is there different protocol in First Class? Are there rules of conduct I don’t know? Apprehensively I board and take my seat. Before I am able to settle in, I am offered a drink. I ask for water. Water!? Water, you idiot; alcohol is free! Damn, I missed out on the second perk. I received my water, settled in, and began looking at the passengers around me. Man, you could tell they were rich. The ugly guy with the cardigan reading the newspaper (probably one of those fancy ones like the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times) and his trophy wife; the man in a three piece suit with his laptop and fancy briefcase; the old lady with her pearl necklace, and then me. I had on raggedy shorts, a T-shirt, and flip-flops. No one said anything, but I think you’re supposed to wear shoes in First Class. There were two kids sitting in front of me. Even they looked like they belonged. They kept asking for drinks, pillows, whatever. They had obviously done this before. I bet their rich parents are always sending the brats away, and to take away the guilt they send them in style. I bet they don’t even go themselves to pick them up, they send the limo. Now the coach passengers file on the plane. This is when I realized why First Class boards first. I thought First Class should board last; you know, why stay on the plane any longer than you have to. But, now everyone gets to walk past you and you can show off your social standing as the commoners cram into the back. I felt bad for them: that should have been me. That is, of course, until I saw the 300 pound man waddle by. I was glad I didn’t have to squeeze in next to him. You all know the rest, good service, better food, the works. I enjoyed my time in First class, but I wouldn’t pay. A complimentary glass of wine and leg room are not worth $100 or more. Well Zoners, that’s all I’ve got for you toady. Live well and may your travels lead you away from here.
~Phillard G. Krebs
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07.24.2003
Believe it or not, I have something good to say about Cleveland, Ohio. As many of you know (and I’m sure even more of you don’t know), my career as a professional military officer has ripped me from the familiar, comfortable city I called home for more than 20 years. I say "ripped", but it was a decision I made knowing I would rarely see the hazy Cleveland skyline or smell the stench of stale beer down on the river. It is a decision I have yet to regret, because, seriously, I have experienced a lot. Much of which I would have never done if I had stayed in Cleveland. I’ve been given the opportunity to see some cool and interesting places, some not so cool but still interesting places, and some very uncool and very uninteresting places. In my first two years, I’ve spent varying amounts of time in Alabama, Texas, California, Puerto Rico, United Arab Emirates, Kuwait, and Qatar (you know the place where all those press conferences during the war came from). And of course along the way met all sorts of people. Now this doesn’t make me an expert in people or places, but I think I can come to some conclusions. After saying all this, I’ll get back to saying something nice about Cleveland.
As I said earlier, I’ve been in the military now two years. Since that time I have been permanently stationed at Travis Air Force Base in California. It’s nestled in the Golden Hills between San Francisco and Sacramento. Within a few hours are Napa Valley, Lake Tahoe, Reno, Monterey, and Yosemite National Park just to name a few of the highlights in the area. The area can cater to the needs of nearly every taste: rugged outdoorsy types, sophisticated wine connoisseurs, urban ravers, artsy-fartsy types, egotistically thin soccer moms, etc. With all that at my fingertips (with the exception of the soccer moms), you would think I would never want to return to Cleveland again. But there is one element that ruins it all: the people. Not to say Cleveland has the most welcoming, hospitable people around, but certainly in comparison. Even the ones with mullets. Okay, I know I said I was going to say something nice about Cleveland. I’ll get to it.
So after two years of living in California, I have been the victim of numerous crimes. My car was stolen, credit cards stolen, my identity was stolen to obtain credit in my name, including two cell phones totaling almost 2 grand in bills, and my mountain bike was stolen. When my car was stolen, I had my gear for work which costs about 3 grand, CD’s, a nice stereo system with a head unit, amp, and subs, a $400 camera, and some worthless personal junk. Needless to say when the car was recovered it was all gone. This isn’t the end of my peril. Oh no. While I was off fighting for my country, supporting The War Against Terrorism (TWAT) and guarding the bulk of the planes that blew shit up in Iraq, my car was broken into two more times. Why one of those planes couldn’t have made
just one pass over my apartment is beyond me. The windows broken, stereo damaged (because the retards couldn’t figure out how to steal it properly, and apparently phillips-head screws were too complicated to decipher), and the sub and amp were taken again.
Alright, I’m gonna say that good thing about Cleveland now. During my 23-year stay in Cleveland I never, not once, was the victim of a crime. Lets do some math. I’ve spent 92% of my life in Cleveland. I’ve been victimized zero times. For you math majors, that’s a rate of zero victimizations per year. In the 8% of my life that I’ve been in California I’ve been a victim 7 times in two years. So right now I’m working on being victimized 4.5 times every year. That’s more than once every three months. I think I’m due for another one pretty soon. Maybe I’ll move out of the property crime victim business and move into the good stuff like assault or sexual harassment (well, that wouldn’t be so bad). I don’t know if any of you folks have takin’ it like this, but I can tell you it sucks. I just bought a new car. I fully expect it to be gone, broken into, or severely damaged within three months. It may even end up as a crumpled cube sans stereo. At least then it would be easier to bring to the local police department. Everyday I walk out to my car I anticipate it won’t be there. Then at least it’s a pleasant surprise.
So that’s why I miss Cleveland. I miss leaving my windows partly open on a hot day. I miss leaving my CD’s on the seat cause they’re too much temptation for some punk. I miss running through the streets naked on a cold rainy night, but that’s another story.
It doesn’t end there either. I don’t know if this is a "Cali" thing or more widespread but it still pisses me off. On occasion, I run around my neighborhood (usually for exercise). Obviously I’m not bothering anybody, just doing my thing. But the stupid, young punks around here think its funny to harass me. They do things like drive from behind me, close to the sidewalk, and lay on the horn. Seriously, I think I almost had a heart attack.
And perhaps this just explains the attitude here. People think they can do what they want with no regard for others. This liberal,
"be your own person" crap is a plague to society. What happened to respect? God help those little fuckers if I see them in a car accident or something. I won’t call 911, I won’t give first aid, hell, I’ll point the ambulance driver the other direction. And I may even plow in to them again! I guess I miss common human
decency. You know, treat others the way you would like to be treated, why can’t we all just get along, that kinda crap. And to the next dude that wants to touch my car, I’ve got a 12 gauge waiting. Unless it’s been stolen already.
~Phillard G. Krebs
